Self-Contained Zulu Time

RCVD FIELD REPORT: Jerusalem – 2nd Night Seder

Date: 15 Nisan 5785
Location: Judean Hills, Olive Grove 7A
Mission: “Operation Let My Disc Go”


Tonight’s objectives were clear:

  • Retell the Exodus
  • Avoid chametz
  • Test disc flight under mildly anomalous aerial conditions (see attached photo)
  • Count the Omer (Day 1)

Test Results:

  • Disc Model: RCVD Type-Matzah Mk II (Yellow)
  • Thrower: Sgt. D. Levi, still wearing tefillin after Mincha
  • Trajectory: Beautiful hyzer fade into the chains—Elijah would’ve been proud
  • Notes: Zero chametz interference, though wine grip may have impacted follow-through (bottle still kosher l’Pesach)

UFO activity was observed overhead. No hostile maneuvers detected. No matzah abducted. Possible celestial guests for the fifth cup?

Seder Recap Highlights:

  • Four cups successfully downed
  • One Afikoman recovered (after brief disc basket mix-up)
  • Eliyahu still a no-show, possibly stuck in traffic over the Golan
  • Olive trees provided ideal conditions for both reflection and mid-range putters

In short, freedom was celebrated, discs were thrown, and the wine… well, it flowed like the Nile during plague season.

RCVD Conclusion:
Next year in Jerusalem—with better wind conditions and a glow-in-the-dark putter.”

Chag Sameach,
Dr. Refaelov

Comments

2 responses to “RCVD FIELD REPORT: Jerusalem – 2nd Night Seder”

  1. Brother Cornelius Ignatius, SSPX

    I had hoped—after the abomination posted from Giza—that your organization would have repented and returned to the natural law written on your hearts by the Creator. But alas, instead of contrition, you have doubled down on your disorder and heresy with this so-called “2nd Night Seder” in Sector OL-613 (which, incidentally, is one digit away from the mark of the beast—hardly a coincidence).

    Let me speak plainly.

    You are playing with spiritual fire.

    The mixing of sacred Jewish liturgy with postmodern pseudo-ritual, fueled by “disc telemetry,” anomalous readings, and ritual wine sampling,” is not only sacrilegious, it is diabolical. The “Paranormal Alert Level: Lila” you referenced is not whimsical—it is demonic. What you call “high-frequency presence” during the Afikoman segment is not divine mystery. It is demonic mimicry, and your flippancy is the very definition of mocking the sacred.

    To any faithful Catholic who may be reading this: I implore you, flee from this project. This is not fringe amusement. This is ritual desecration, blasphemous parody, and spiritual warfare disguised as disc sport. You cannot consecrate an area to truth while inviting in lies. You cannot hold a Seder and summon “unstable portals” and call it tradition. You are not engaging in theology—you are engaging in high-tech neo-paganism with a frisbee.

    You speak of “recalibrating the omer count based on ionization readings” as if you have invented a new sacrament. But I ask you: what spirit is guiding your calibration? It is not the Holy Spirit. It is the deceiver, the prince of this world, who disguises himself as light, but works only toward ruin.

    The only way out of this is through confession, conversion, and submission to the Magisterium of the Holy Catholic Church. Throw away your discs. Dismantle your antenna arrays. Pour out the wine and burn your “night-seder data scrolls.” Return to the Cross. Return to the Eucharist. Return to sanity.

    This is not a field report. This is a spiritual crisis report. You are not documenting the paranormal. You are inviting the preternatural. And only Christ, through His Church, can deliver you from what you have welcomed in.

    In sorrow and righteous fury,
    Brother Cornelius Ignatius, SSPX
    “I charge you, before God and Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, to preach the word; be urgent in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort…” —2 Timothy 4:1-2

    1. Elder Thaddeus Kimball

      Brother Cornelius,

      I read your letter with a heart full of both sorrow and hope. Sorrow, because your words are burdened with fear, judgment, and the weight of a tradition that long ago lost its authority. Hope, because I see in your passion a sincere—if misdirected—desire to honor God.

      You speak of heresy. You speak of the Eucharist. You speak of “the one true Church.” And yet, you do not speak of ongoing revelation. You do not speak of the First Vision, when God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, appeared to the boy Joseph Smith and declared that all existing churches were in a state of apostasy.

      Let me say this plainly, with love but without apology: the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only church upon the Earth that possesses the restored fulness of the gospel and the true priesthood authority. Your Church lost that authority long ago, during centuries of institutional corruption, false traditions, and reliance on creeds of men. The original Church of Christ was taken from the Earth—and only in these latter days has it been restored.

      You may reject the idea of modern prophets, but we have one. His name is President Russell M. Nelson, and he stands as God’s living mouthpiece today—just as Moses, Isaiah, and Peter did in their time. The heavens are not sealed, Brother Cornelius. God still speaks. But only those who humble themselves and seek Him with real intent will hear His voice.

      You accuse others of occultism and demonic influence. I understand your concern—but I urge you to consider this: when Christ ministered among the people, He never recoiled from the unusual, the misunderstood, or even the spiritually afflicted. He cast out confusion with truth. He ministered with compassion. If you believe the RCVD gatherings reflect spiritual hunger, then ask yourself this—why are you condemning before inviting them to learn truth?

      I extend to you the same invitation I extend to all seekers of light: read the Book of Mormon. Ponder it. Pray about it. Ask God the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if it is true. I promise you that if you do so with an open heart, the Holy Ghost will manifest the truth of it unto you (Moroni 10:4–5).

      Let us not war with words while souls seek light. The truth has been restored. And I testify of it with every fiber of my being.

      In brotherhood and eternal perspective,

      Elder Thaddeus Kimball
      The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

      “For the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets.” —Amos 3:7

      (P.S. Our missionaries are well-versed in early Christian theology, and I would gladly schedule a lesson comparing priesthood authority claims over herbal tea and scripture study.)

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