GSA – Gary Sucks Ass
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3 responses to “GSA – Gary Sucks Ass”
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From: Special Agent Gary [REDACTED]
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Subject: Immediate Cease and DesistTo RCVD.US & Whom It May Concern,
It has come to my attention that a post has surfaced on this platform stating, and I quote, “Gary sucks ass.” I am writing to inform you that not only is this statement factually incorrect—it is also a direct affront to the dignity of a sworn federal agent.
As a representative of the United States government, I hereby demand the immediate removal of said post. Failure to comply may result in a comprehensive audit of your digital footprint, including—but not limited to—search history, meme activity, and any suspicious emoji usage.
This is not a joke. This is not a drill. This is GARY.
You have 24 hours to comply before I unleash the full bureaucratic might of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, complete with forms, subpoenas, and strongly worded follow-up emails.
Govern yourselves accordingly.
Sincerely,
Gary [REDACTED]
Special Agent, FBI-
[REDACTED NSA COMMUNICATION]
TO: Special Agent GARY [UNKNOWN LAST NAME]
RE: Your Recent Activities Concerning RCVDGary,
This is an official communication from the National Security Agency.
Please be advised: any and all research involving unexplained aerial phenomena (UAP), classified aerodynamics, transdimensional anomalies, or magnetic topography in recreational sports contexts falls squarely under NSA jurisdiction as outlined in subsection 22B of the Covert Phenomena Management Directive.
Your interference has been categorized as “disruptive FBI Special Agent LARPing with undertones of insecure deflection.”
Furthermore, and we do not say this lightly — our observational assets (both satellite and terrestrial) confirm RCVD’s assessment that you may, in fact, suck ass. This has been corroborated across multiple behavior matrices and Discord screenshots.
Consider this your first and final warning.
Shut the fuck up. Back off. Let the nerds cook.Sincerely,
Office of Paranormal Oversight and Mid-Level Threat Containment (NSA)
SecureTag: Roaring Ass Wind
Status: Kit is Up, Nods are Down-
[CLASSIFIED CORRESPONDENCE — CIA DIR-OPS CHANNEL]
TO: NSA (OPMTC Division), FBI (Unusual Phenomena Liaison Unit)
CC: RCVD (Passive Observers – Tier III Clearance)
RE: Operational Overlap Regarding RCVD-Linked Investigations and Subject “Gary”PRIORITY LEVEL: BLACK ICE
To Whom It May Concern at the NSA and FBI (namely GARY),
Effective immediately, all operations, surveillance activities, and attempted containment initiatives involving Remote Control Variable Discs (RCVD) are to be ceased and reclassified under CIA authority.
Per Directive ORBITAL-PRIORITY/12-AGX, issued under the Pan-Agency Paranormal Research Umbrella (PAPRU), any and all phenomena involving non-ballistic atmospheric shift patterns, disc-borne telemetry drift, or unlicensed civilian field experimentation within 50 meters of ley-reactive recreational installations fall squarely under CIA operational jurisdiction.
You are not cleared to observe, interpret, or “let the nerds cook.”
The kitchen is now ours.Regarding Subject Gary:
HUMINT sources embedded in three Discord channels, two Nextdoor threads, and one haunted Escape Room have independently confirmed the NSA’s behavioral profile.
Quoting directly from HUMINT Source Codename “Spindrift”:> “Gary sucks ass .”
Consider this information about GSA validated.
This is your final inter-agency courtesy notice.
We are now actively managing the Gary Situation.– Directorate of Operations
Central Intelligence Agency
Operative Tag: MONARCH RIM
Status: Beyond Observational Threshold
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